Reticent No More

There hadn’t been any posts these last three months not for want of topic to write but for the sudden reverting to form, reticent.

I’ve rejoined, more regularly than the occasional weekend visits, the bigger and more dynamic society of Cebu City. There is so much to observe and think about. There is less chance for narrow points of view. There is less time for self-absorption and self-indulgent essays. There are less of provincial observations and conclusions.

One thing I discovered with myself these last months, I’d like to be a teacher or a facilitator of a learning process. I suddenly found myself exhilarated sharing my knowledge, observations, ideas and being able to construct and deconstruct concepts to anyone open enough to listen to them.

My reticence has its roots with how my parents and grandparents trained us in pursuit of knowledge. They taught us, my siblings and me, not to ask obvious questions. You can only ask an adult a question if you do not understand how a book explained it or if you cannot find the answer in any book. Hence, I never asked questions in class. If I have questions, I research for the answers. And so far, it worked just fine. With reticence in asking questions, comes reserve in sharing what I think. I rarely ever joined class discussions. Grades did not matter to me. They are not always a true reflection of what I know or do not know.

Just as I’ve always known, not all articulate people are really logical. Some of them say what is on their mind whether these are relevant or not. Some just find it so easy to speak and it’s not necessarily the correct explanation or explication. This rediscovery has led me to think; why not let others learn from me than from these kinds of people? Because whether we like it or not, these people will always have a follower. If we can prevent more misconstruction of theories by speaking out then it’s the least we can do for humanity.

One problem arises though with this new-found and profound need to share knowledge. I don’t think, if I become a teacher, have the necessary patience or false encouragement style of teaching to say to anyone, “yes, you have an idea”. This type of support does not always stand. Sometimes it has become euphemism for “no, you’re wrong, but I don’t think as a teacher I have the right to discourage your learning process".

There is always time and place for philosophical blah, but for a study that has half its roots firmly in science, technology and technological innovations, nah. Philosophical discussion is especially not suited to discussions on definition of terms in science and technology. All we can do about definition of terms is to understand it and split it to its most basic. Even as forgiving and less rigid a science as anthropology and sociology, “yes, you have an idea”, will not always float.

It is so much easier to teach oneself not to be afraid of an audience, than to teach oneself critical thinking. As it is, my knowledge, understanding and logic may not be profound but it at least is sound. Fluency will not be a problem.

I, as a lifelong learner would rather be told I am wrong, than to go out into the world thinking the world of myself. I’d rather have the fleeting humiliation than have an incorrect view of my ability and capacity, because in the end, it might not only be just humiliation but death.